sillyhead things I thought in my silly little head
Testing MacJournal
I am a software junkie. I love trying out new apps from great Mac developers. Things to do with words and information catch my interest the most, so I have tried nearly every note-taking, information-storing, text-editing software out there. Mariner Software recently released a new version of MacJournal with several new features, so I am using it to post to the blog for a couple weeks. I’ll let you know how it goes.
This is an old picture of me and my grandfather, just to test out adding photos to a post.
(Edit: Okay, this is not a picture of my grandfather. Apparently I need to work on the photo-publishing part.)
Thoughts on Dogs
I want a dog the way some people want a baby. I see puppies and dogs everywhere I go and I fall asleep dreaming of my dog-to-be.
Here’s the thing: the very most basic tenet of veganism is that other species are not ours to use. By that notion, keeping companion animals is not vegan. However, many, many vegans have pets, seeing as how we all feel at least some compassion towards animals. I look at this as a stewardship kind of thing. Much like the farmed animals already in existence would still need to be cared for if the world went vegan tomorrow, there are so many homeless dogs that adopting one into my family saves it from a horrible life on the streets, followed by certain death due to accident, starvation, exposure, or euthanasia in an overcrowded shelter.
Which leads me to my next thought. I’ve been brought up on the idea that puppies should be obtained from a responsible breeder. While my mother and I love to look at puppies in pet stores, she told me to never, ever actually buy one. A breeder would provide better care for the parents and puppies and the litter would be much healthier (and more ethical) than those produced in pet-store-supply puppy mills.
Now that I am thinking of getting my own dog, I find the issue more complicated. On one hand, the idea of a purebred puppy with parents (or at least a mother) I can meet is appealing. I would know exactly how the puppy had been handled every day of its life and would have an idea on adult size, weight, and energy level. There wouldn’t be any mysterious fears or neuroses to diagnose and any health issues would be readily disclosed.
On the other hand, the idea of rescuing a dog is special in a completely different way. If I look inside myself, it just feels better. My concerns are all about the unknown: how has this dog been treated, is he healthy, will she become aggressive? I think the best way to allay those fears is to adopt through a breed rescue organization. Dogs are usually fostered in private homes where any issues can be seen and handled in a family setting. A breed-specific rescue will be able to offer focused ideas on what to expect; while all dogs are different, there are certainly breed traits to learn about.
We are still not ready for a dog; several things need to happen first. I’m just wishing and hoping and planning and dreaming and trying to decide which direction to go. This is my version of thinking out loud and, after reading back over what I just wrote, the answer seems perfectly clear. I will definitely have lots more to say as the time gets closer and look forward to posting pictures most of all!
Things That Have Helped
So here is my confession:
Last year, around my birthday in April, I decided to go vegan. I read the books, watched the horrifying videos, bought some Gardenburgers, and decided I would never go back.
Until I did.
It started gradually: a sprinkle of Parmesan here, a bit of Ben & Jerry’s there… then it escalated to eggs, and, eventually even meat. By the end of the summer my diet deteriorated to completely omnivorous and I ate my way through the holidays with little thought to what I was doing.
I am ashamed.
I am ashamed that I knew exactly how much suffering I ingested with every meal and I still ate. Before you go vegan you blame it on ignorance, willfull or otherwise. After, though, I don’t know how to explain it. I wish I didn’t have to. It makes me feel weak and lazy to admit this, but some of the thoughts that went through my head were things like, “I don’t want to make trouble for anyone,” and “I don’t want to stand out,” and “It doesn’t make any difference.” Yeah, it was bad.
So here I am again, trying. (Please don’t quote Yoda at me.) It is going much better, so I thought I would share some of the tips and strategies that are working, in case anyone else is thinking of making this important change.
1. Give up dairy first. Many new vegans who are “phasing out” often begin with red meat, followed by poultry and fish, and leave eggs and dairy until last. Everyone is different, but, for me, dairy was the most difficult because I had it every day, with nearly every meal. Milk in cereal; cheese on, well, everything; creamy salad dressings; butter and sour cream on otherwise healthy foods; and, of course, ice cream for dessert. Finding alternatives and replacements for dairy products would have made the rest of my transition smoother.
2. Find other vegans. Even if it is just online, through blogs and forums, it is so important to find people who will be straight-up supportive and helpful. If you are lucky enough to be friends with vegans already, then take full advantage of their experiences. The first time around I made only small efforts in this area and I can see the difference now.
3. Educate yourself. You do need to come up with a few simple responses to common questions like, “Why are you going vegan,” and, of course, “Where do you get your protein.” Depending on who is asking your reply may vary in length and sincerity, but it’s nice to have a few things already planned. Plus, while there are plenty of rumors, half-truths, and scare tactics floating around, there are a few nutritional needs you may need to address, and it’s important to keep yourself healthy.
4. Be polite, but firm, and remember that you are in control. This is where I caved to pressure from family, friends, and society at large. I don’t really have specific advice on this, since it is something I still struggle with, but I can tell you that it feels terrible to give up on yourself. (That applies to so much more that staying vegan.) I remind myself every meal that I am making a choice, taking a stand, and living my beliefs. A little rah-rah, inspirational-poster jargon-y, but it is obviously working.
5. Plan outings ahead of time and don’t be wimpy. Eating out, unless you are lucky enough to live in a city with completely vegan restaurants, is fairly intimidating in the beginning. Unless you stick to cold salads, you will need to ask questions about ingredients and preparation methods. I hated, still do hate, actually, doing this. I don’t do it more than once per restaurant. In other words, I eat the same thing every time. My wimpy way out, and may you be bolder than I. It also helps to find a fast food meal for group situations. Subway, Chipotle, and P.F. Chang’s each have a reasonable vegan option.
6. Explore new foods, instead of just trying to “veganize” your omni diet. This is more of a lifestyle thing, but it does help. In the beginning, with the taste of meat and cheese still fresh in your mind, most vegan substitutes will taste a little strange, and might lead to stronger cravings for the real things. This second time through transition I have been careful to avoid meat and cheese analogs for at least a month or so. Sticking to “grains, greens, and beans” is healthier too. Later, though, substitutes can be great occasional treats for comfort food and for fitting in at food-centered events like cookouts (veggie burgers on the grill) and holiday meals (Tofurky is actually not bad.)
(Well, I’ve rambled on for far too long and should probably have split these up into individual posts, but it’s written now so I’m just going to leave it.)
What About the Sheep?
Astute readers/knitters will notice that all of the projects currently pictured at the top of this site are made from wool.
Wool is not vegan.
Please don’t try to change my mind. No matter how kindly and humanely raised, even if the sheep are allowed to do all kinds of natural sheep-y things, even if there is no pain or death involved, wool belongs to sheep; it is not ours to take. Sheep have been bred to produce unnatural amounts of wool, sometimes “requiring” shearing for comfort. Unfortunately, cows have been bred to produce unnatural amounts of milk, sometimes “requiring” milking for comfort, and you know how I feel about that.
Here’s the thing: I love wool. I love Smartwool socks and wool pea coats and Merino sweaters so soft I could sleep in them. That’s not even mentioning all of the handknits I have spent hours and hours creating out of yarn and two sticks. While I can certainly avoid purchasing additional wool products, I am not quite ready to stop using the ones I already have.
I am okay with this, inside myself. I am a little nervous about the image it presents to others, though. I would feel uncomfortable talking about veganism and animal rights while wearing wool. While it’s not on the level of “vegetarians” who eat fish, I would still feel a hypocrite.
My current solution is to wear my socks until they wear out. I don’t think anyone would even notice, although as a sock knitter that makes me cringe a little! My hats, mittens, and scarves will be worn until I can purchase fleece replacements, and will then be gifted or donated.
My one finished sweater is causing the biggest problem. This was an epic project, spanning more than a year from start to finish, and I made it to last for years and years. I haven’t worn it this winter, but it makes me sad to see it in my drawer. No one else will ever appreciate the signifigance of it, though, or understand the time and effort and tears that went into its creation. I still don’t know what to do with it.
Finding the Middle
So here is my current (vegan) eating plan:
During the week I eat fairly clean, with few convenience foods, minimal sugar and oil, and perhaps one sandwich or wrap, but otherwise all whole grains. I don’t eat anything that I can’t pronounce. I do eat salsa and guacamole, though, and sometimes put a drizzle of maple syrup on my (sprouted whole grain) cereal.
On the weekends, however, I tend to go a little nuts. Amy’s Roasted Vegetable Pizza, cookies, ice cream, french fries, chips… the list goes on. One thing I have noticed is that eating too much sugar at night interferes with my sleep. I used to attribute that to caffeine alone, and since I gave that up a month or so ago, I didn’t really think much of having a cookie after dinner. Last night I couldn’t fall asleep despite being tired, woke up several times during the night, and this morning I do not feel well-rested. Lesson learned, for sure.
Here is the best part: I feel great! I recovered from a minor illness in one day, something that may have knocked me out for three or four days in the past. My skin is not completely clear, but much better. Getting rid of my weekend sugar binges would probably help, but I’m not quite ready to do that yet! I’m losing weight at a healthy rate while still enjoying everything I eat and never feeling deprived. I think I did go through a brief “detox” period marked by headaches and low energy, but now I feel clear-headed and much more “awake” than before.
I read somewhere that one should approach veganism not as a list of things “you can’t eat,” but as seeking out food that meets your values, things you choose to eat. That mindset has helped me in moments of frustration, especially when faced with the menus of formerly-favorite restaurants. After eating a plate of unevenly-steamed vegetables I could still remember that I am making a choice I am proud of. It doesn’t help to play the martyr, complaining about “nothing to eat,” when I feel more in control of my diet than ever. Although I readily admit that I have yet to face my two biggest challenges: lobster and a certain favorite dessert. Luckily, opportunities to eat either of those things are few and far between.
In a nutshell, I’m set. While I definitely move around on the spectrum of healthfulness, I don’t plan to eat animals anymore. Other aspects of veganism, notably leather, wool, and non-vegan personal care products, will take a little more time for me. Not that I plan to run out and buy a leather couch, but I have many “pre-gan” items that are still useful and too expensive to replace. It will be a slow journey, but one that I look forward to taking.
Off The Rails
Well that didn’t take long.
While it has been easy to remain vegan, the last 24 hours have seen me eating avocados, processed soy, bagels, and plenty of nightshades. Not very “macro” of me at all. I comfort myself with the knowledge that I still made ethical, relatively healthy choices. Plus I bought my first umeboshi plums today, so there’s hope for me yet.
A quick note on how I’ve been feeling: I am sleeping better at night and I no longer have sharp crashes when I get hungry. My energy still falls in the afternoons, but I think I can figure that out by changing my meal schedule a bit. Yesterday’s bagel and vegan cream cheese actully didn’t tast very good to me, but I felt obligated not to waste it. The bagel felt gluey and mushy and sticky, and not as nice as my grains. The spread, which I used to love, tasted too fake. I guess it is true that one develops a taste for real food, even rather quickly. The potato soup and salsa on my rice, however, both tasted wonderul! While I am mindful of eating nightshades, I don’t think I am ready to limit them just yet.
Superhero Day One
I’m calling this my first official superhero day. I had brown rice and steamed broccoli for breakfast and lunch, and am making some Magical Healing Soup for dinner. Schedule was completely off today, so mealtimes were irregular and not well-spaced.
I woke up much later than I do on a work day, about seven. At eight I had my rice and broccoli. Happily, I was not hungry again in two hours like I used to be, so taking the time to make and eat (and chew!) something so nourishing is worth it. Around noon I realized that I still wasn’t hungry, so decided to head out on my errands and see how it went. BIG MISTAKE! I didn’t want to give in to eating crappy food, so I instead waited until I got home, which wasn’t until after three. That was way too long. This also explains the repetition; the quickest thing to eat was leftovers!
One good thing arose from my testing the limits of my hunger, though. I realized that I often eat without being really hungry out of boredom or habit or emotional whims. Most “diets” tell you to avoid mindless eating, but then offer you two or three snacks per day! That only encourages the cycle of eating unnecessarily. I noticed that by eating grains in the morning my hunger also felt different. While I did have a growly tummy and even felt a little weak, my mood was relatively stable. I didn’t feel angry or sad or so emotionally brittle that I snapped at the smallest thing. So, even though I don’t recommend going seven hours without eating, it was quite the learning experience.
Went grocery shopping at a regular Stop & Shop. No sea vegetables, miso, or brown rice syrup, but I did stock up on vegetables and rice. I’m not quite sure where to find some of the specialty ingredients, other than ordering online. There is a Whole Foods about forty-five minutes away, but I don’t shop there for ethical/political reasons. There may be an Asian grocer in town, though, so I will try there during the week.
Just Call Me Syndrome
I have made the commitment to veganism and feel completely comfortable with that decision. The ethical and environmental reasons for going vegan are important and the health benefits are compelling. Over the last few weeks I have eagerly sought out vegan alternatives to old favorites and new foods to try.
Here’s the thing: I found myself slipping into the “junk-food vegan” category. I would be so ecstatic to find great-tasting vegan treats, snacks, and other convenience foods that I bought them without thinking. While vegan cookies and Tofutti Cuties are delicious, just because they’re vegan doesn’t mean they’re healthy!
Plus I’ve found that I really do feel better and enjoy my food when it is less processed. Amy’s Roasted Vegetable Pizza was a favorite when I first went vegan, but now I don’t think it tastes as good anymore, even though it is vegan and organic. I would rather have my brown rice and broccoli.
So I’m making the commitment to the Superhero program (from Alicia Silverstone’s The Kind Diet) for a month. The sugar habit is going to be the hardest part, especially in the evenings after dinner. Luckily I’ve already weaned myself from soda and coffee (to which I used to add unholy amounts of sugar), but I’m still used to having cookies, (coconut milk) ice cream, or cinnamon toast before bed.
Just wanted to post a little something about this to explain the upcoming posts about what I’m eating and how I feel. This is a big change and I want to document it for myself and for anyone else who may benefit.
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